Messieurs Alenna and Daniel
666 Like Totally Road
My Town, MD
Re: Notice of intent to evacuate
Dear Monsieur or Madam,
This expertly crafted letter constitutes my written notice that I will be departing from the plush comfort of my basement chateau on August 15th, at the end of my ethological study into the life of the native species Tipsy Kickface, or alenniam drakus.
Enclosed you will find $63.00, which will cover the last portion of August I will spend in my chateau farting on all furniture in preparation for my tragic departure.
I expect that my security deposit of $10,000, given to you in the form of gold bullion, will be refunded in full, since the room has been left in quasi-alright condition. I have full confidence you can remove the human pee stains and dried vomit in time.
I can be reached via homing pigeon or fire signal after the above date. Please take care not to do so, however, as I loathe human contact.
Sincerely,
The Farting Duchess Anastasia